Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Things before bed

Considered tweeting this story, but it's long and no doubt fascinating to no one but me.

1. Went to bed early last night. Opened windows since it was cooler on Monday. Watched the beginning of Masterpiece Mystery from the night before.

2. Tired. Closed the window, since the noise and light from outside will keep me awake. As I pull the curtain closed, the rod falls off the middle bracket.

3. I go into the kitchen to get the step stool. I spot a giant cockroach next to the basket I use to hold the recycling.

4. Note: North Carolina has some of the biggest cockroaches I've ever seen. I/We frequently call them by other names to lie to my/ourselves that the are not GIANT COCKROACHES.

5. I go back into the bedroom, where my bottle of roach spray is. It's there because I killed a giant cockroach in the bathroom last weekend.

6. Back in the kitchen, I spot the roach and spray it. "Kills on contact" is a lie that I'm already aware of, so it gets multiple direct shots. One misses, and hits a plastic bag next to the basket, from under which a smaller roach skuttles. I spray it too.

7. As I chase the big roach around the kitchen, I turn to grab the broom to use to move the basket so I can spray the roach again. I lose my balance and stumble against the trashcan, nearly knocking it over. I think, not for the first time, how much my downstairs neighbor must regret my moving in.

8. As I push the basket with the broom, a second giant cockroach skuttles out. So that's three bugs in all.

9. By this time, either the poison in the spray or the fact that I've virtually drowned the first roach means it has stopped moving. I concentrate on the second giant roach. The smaller bug has also stopped moving.

10. After spraying pretty much everything in the kitchen, the second giant roach finally dies. I flush the carcasses, and try to wipe up some of the spray from the floor.

11. I take the step stool into the bedroom and fix the curtains. I think about cleaning up the kitchen better, but decide that I'm tired.

12. Turn off the lights. Cat jumps up on the end of the bed.

13. Cat throws up all over the end of the bed and the floor.

14. Get up again. Clean up mess, take cover off bed and throw it in the washer. Pull out washcloths and wipe up the floor in the kitchen, just in case the spray is what made the cat sick.

15. Go back to bed. Lay awake thinking:
  • that the cat will get sick again;
  • that the cat did get into the spray and is now dying and it's all my fault for being lazy;
  • that there are roaches in my room, coming to get revenge.
16. Finally fall asleep.


  1. Anonymous10:23 AM

    Poor baby! Guess you don't remember the roaches we had in Florida. Weren't really roaches, but palmetto bugs - big as a mouse! Love ya'

  2. Anonymous5:13 PM

    Of course you don't remember the roaches in Florida - that was B.C. - Before Carolyn. Just a sign of my advancing years. Love ya'

  3. Anonymous10:36 PM

    I know that none of this was funny for you but reading it made me laugh! Can you use one of those sticky strips to catch them?

  4. I'm glad it made you laugh - it just exhausted me!

    I think sticky strips would just get stuck to the cat. Plus - the bugs are huge!

    Actually, the exterminator is coming today to spray, so that should hopefully alleviate the problem.

    Oh - and we do refer to them as Palmetto bugs or water bugs, but - giant scuttling bug = kill it.